Lady in waiting

That's exactly what I am - a lady in waiting.

I was born into a typical nuclear family. My older sister died in infancy and when I came along I was smothered with love and care. My younger sister came along four years later. My father was away often so our mother was the authority figure. I had a difficult time with my father and grew close to my mother, who taught me to read. I now love books and so I am so grateful to my mother for helping me.

Perhaps my closeness to my mother was what led me to emulate her, by trying on her dresses, knickers and shoes. I would view myself in a mirror and conclude that I was quite the sophisticated lady in my mother's frock.

As I grow older, as did my sister, I began wearing my sister's clothes as she was nearer my age group. So I dressed myself up as a schoolgirl and loved every minute of it. I even wore a skirt in front of my sister and she accepted me as her sister and called me sister, a compliment I regard highly.

I continued to dress as a woman for the next twenty years and I am still a lady in my own mind but have to be a guy in everyday life. But I still shave off my body hair as an expression of my femininity.

Of late, the compulsion to develop my feminine side has grown stronger. Today I bought a dress, a pair of high heeled shoes, ladies' socks and a pretty blouse. And shampoo and conditioner, as I am growing my hair long.

I long to tell my parents that I am a woman at heart but fear their response. My mother I am sure will accept me but as to my father I am not so sure. So I am forced to remain the lady in waiting. I know that I am a woman on the inside but I am encased in a male body.

I would love to tell my parents but fear their response. They could reject me but my gut instinct is that they won't but you can never tell. I feel so confident when dressed as a lady. I feel so much more confident in a skirt, knickers and high heels and feel that this is what I should be - a lady - in waiting.